Come look at this // my friend says. I just finished unpacking pots & pans & dishware & food in our kitchen / I follow her to the open window. Look down // she says. A clown figurine & a doll head greet me // Gifts from the previous tenants? // I ask. There was another clown figurine /
on top of our pantry closet.
At night my mom would tell me // don’t whistle. When I asked her why, she said // because it brings bad spirits // I imagined a girl who looked like me / pale as the moonlight with water dripping / from her nightgown, black hair matted in front of her / At church my mom would tell me // don’t move your leg up & down like that. // Why? // I asked. She said // because it is disrespectful // but I imagined it had something to do with how we were all crammed into pews / the dead existed within these walls. Don’t write in red ink // my mom would tell me. It brings bad luck / it’s the color of blood.
Some buildings in South Korea don’t have a fourth floor / the Chinese symbol for four means death / this brings bad luck /
Weird things start happening in our new home / the garbage disposal breaks, twice / the sound of crushed glass tunneling / my heating vent catches on fire before the sun comes up / our power winks out multiple times / darkness another roommate.
Before the school year began / my parents bought a small bottle of holy water / from the gift shop of L’Oratoire Saint-Joseph du Mont-Royal / my dad asked if I wanted the holy water / When I asked him why, he said // it will help you sleep at night / months later, I ask if he could bring the holy water when they visit me in a few weeks / I tell them about the clown figurines & the weird things happening in the home.
My parents yell // get rid of them now! // Get your friend’s boyfriend to throw them away, my dad said // Why do you think only a boy can get rid of them? I asked him / silence greets me in return / weeks later I sprinkle holy water in our living room / the droplets of water lingering on fingertips / and yet—
The clown figurines are still there / tucked underneath the stairs.
