i had spare time and no agenda
and the most dangerous place to be
was at target
so i go
because you should do one thing a day
that scares you
and with the fine line
between middle class
and poverty
walking a tightrope
in my bank account
i also carried with me
the intentional exchange of goods and services
with the currency
the energy
of money
i got,
can you believe it,
groceries
and some office supplies
and being all practical and shit
but here’s the thing
i wandered by the art supply aisle
where these brush pens
with cool instagram colors
were begging to be adopted
they were like puppies
with the biggest eyes
and the cutest little squeaky bark
at the spca
and my heart leapt
with compassion
and a yearning
to take proper care
of these pens
i’m trying this new thing
it’s called nurturing your inner artist
and taking her out on dates
and letting her word vomit every goddamn morning
some of you know the thing
and some of these mind programs
the ones designed to make you feel more human
i swear
unlock your brain’s desire
to just buy more shit
to feel like you’re doing something
to fill the void of the soul
so of course i buy them
and i take the pens home
fully believing i’d put them on the shelf
and forget to feed them
take them out on walks
spay, neuter them
what have you
instead i put them right next to my bed
and in the morning
i discover something i had forgotten –
i really like the feeling of
effortless ink
soaking into nice paper
transforming the blank white pulp canvas
into anything but blank
doesn’t matter with what
just fill it
and in the morning i doodled
and swirled
and spiraled
and colored
and wrote meaningless words
and signed my name a bunch of times
and learned the whole
“press lightly on upstroke,
press firmly on downstroke”
advice that the
neat little booklet
told me to do
i always read directions
which is sometimes a character flaw
but this morning
i didn’t read the directions
that said i needed to adult
and look
i got shit to do
a laundry list of laundry
a task list of tasks
but whilst you’re out there Doing the Thing,
remember what your true thing is
and my thing
is consistently
habitually
retraining
myself
how
to
be
human
and in the aimless ambling
through the target of life
i vow
to make that
the only thing i buy
